Hello. My name is Julie D...

*Crowd: "HELLO, JULIE D!"*

... and I'm an Amateur Catholic.

*loud clapping from crowd*

I confess that I do not get paid for my writing ... no matter how hard I've begged.

I confess that I do not get paid for speaking ... although I think there's a good possibility that I might be able to get paid to shut up.

I confess that I sometimes forget to genuflect before entering the pew (oh, wait, that's a different kind of amateur).

I confess that I am not nearly as clever or amusing as the other Amateur Catholics but will try my hardest to keep up with them.

And, ummm, I think that's all.

*sits down, wiping brow*